Post by Action on Nov 7, 2008 17:58:29 GMT -5
I'm not going to rant yet because I want to see any objections. I'm VERY ticked off with my 'so well off' life. Suicidal, ect. Just wanna die. But, I want to see now if there are any objections to my little rant before I start.
WARNING: I am about to rant about a bunch of very stupid things.
Yes, I know I have my life of very well. My parents are ALWAYS telling me that. 'You have it so good, Christi.' 'Eat your food there are other people out there who don't have that food. You are so lucky.' I feel like smashing their heads in. I am a violent person. I get my anger out through violence. That's why I go up to my room and pound holes in my wall. I end up having to fix them of course so that they are unnoticeable, but yeah. I'm violent.
My mind is messed up. I want to kill people but I don't want to hurt them all at the same time. If I get anything less than straight As, I go coo-coo and rant an yell and cry. I'm not sure why. I care about my grades, but I didn't know that I cared that much. Or is it that I'm going through this period of really emotional times? I dunno.
My parents. They think they are so nice. The smallest things make me go crazy. Like yesterday, I asked my dad if I could go with him to get my dog's tail wrapped up at the vet. He said "NO! You're sick! You'll get animals sick!" I'm like WTF? (In my mind of course because if I said it out loud, he would have pounded me on the head with a book. Or even grounded me from the computer for a LONG time.) You can't get animals sick with a human disease. Plus, I stayed in school the whole day. That really pissed me.
Then I went over to PowerSchool (my school keeps all the grades in there) and I logged in under me. I saw I have a C in Writing. I'm like HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE??? Well, it seems that my teacher thought that I was there that day even though I wasn't and wrote me down for it missing. That made me flip out. I went and talked to my parents and they made sarcastic comments, making me break out in tears. Then they yelled at me for crying. They always yell at me for crying. I'm not sure why, but that makes me cry more and more.
Then there's this guy at school. We were best friends for 11 years. 11 YEARS, PEOPLE! But, then our moms got in a fight. Patty got pissed and now her and mom stay as far away as possible from each other. And guess what? Connor ignores me now. It started a year ago. I said 'hi' to him and he totally ignored me. Of course he's a year older and all, but he was my best friend. He always used to ask his mom if I could com over and then she would ask him if he had any male friends that he wanted over. >.> But, whatever. We were still best friends. I loved him, he loved me. In a brotherly sisterly way. But, yeah. I love him still like that and I just can't take this. It's literally tearing me apart. It bugs me so d*mn much that I can't take it anymore. One night I even called him. But, they guessed that it was my mom and didn't pick up. That almost killed me. I see him in school so much and have the urge to go talk to him, but he's always with his girlfriend, holding hands and that just makes me crazy. I used to be the only girl in his life that he would tell a secret to. And I miss it so, so much. I want to talk to him, I really do, but it's so hard when there are so many people roaming around the school halls. I never get the chance to talk to my old best friend. There are too many rumors started about me already. I don't want to get one started up about Connor and me going out. I just miss him and want to talk to him. Not make out with him. Is that so hard for you evil little people at Wammy to understand? Give me a break! There are already enough rumors about me. Yeah! That's right! I know about those! They tear at me all the time. Why do you think I act so strange? It's because I'm trying to IGNORE all your stupid little rumors. "Christi is in love with so and so" "Christi wants to marry Connor" "I bet Christi and Megan are bisexual" You know what people? I want to bash your faces in and I can. Oh yes. I can. I may get suspended and God may never forgive me, but that would make you shut up for maybe a day or two. THEN maybe for once in a while in my life I'd actually feel like I belonged. Maybe then I wouldn't feel ridiculed. Maybe then I wouldn't be so violent. Maybe I would actually be proud to be alive. Not to feel suicidal. Not to want to cut myself. But the guys at school force me into this suit of anger and fear. Violence and anger. And I just can't get over it. They do it to get under my skin. And guess what? It's working. It makes me tingle. It makes me so mad. It makes me want to blow my top. Explode on them. And one day, if it doesn't stop, I know I will. I know I'm going to explode. Explode all over them. See how they like it. See how they like to be bashed every minute of their lives. If not by anyone at school, but by their parents. By their siblings. Then try and make fun of me. Then maybe through the dark abyss of their empty heart, they can be kind. Maybe through my dark heart, I can forgive them. Through what they do, every day, it makes it harder for me to forgive them. Every waking minute of every day, I fade more and more to the dark side. I do not want to become dark and cruel like them, but I can't help it. When they are mean and cruel, I can't help but be right back. When I hear rumors about others, I usually shrug them off. Who really cares? As long as it doesn't consider my friends, I'm fine and dandy listening to their little rumors. I don't care any more about what they talk about behind my back. I really don't care. I just don't those stupid assholes talking about my friends. I get enough of that flack as it is off of my parents. Sick. And. Tired. So, there you have it. Here's my stupid little rant. I'm feeling a bit better, but I'm still as pissed as ever.
Anyways, thanks for reading through this LONG rant about a bunch of stupid things.
WARNING: I am about to rant about a bunch of very stupid things.
Yes, I know I have my life of very well. My parents are ALWAYS telling me that. 'You have it so good, Christi.' 'Eat your food there are other people out there who don't have that food. You are so lucky.' I feel like smashing their heads in. I am a violent person. I get my anger out through violence. That's why I go up to my room and pound holes in my wall. I end up having to fix them of course so that they are unnoticeable, but yeah. I'm violent.
My mind is messed up. I want to kill people but I don't want to hurt them all at the same time. If I get anything less than straight As, I go coo-coo and rant an yell and cry. I'm not sure why. I care about my grades, but I didn't know that I cared that much. Or is it that I'm going through this period of really emotional times? I dunno.
My parents. They think they are so nice. The smallest things make me go crazy. Like yesterday, I asked my dad if I could go with him to get my dog's tail wrapped up at the vet. He said "NO! You're sick! You'll get animals sick!" I'm like WTF? (In my mind of course because if I said it out loud, he would have pounded me on the head with a book. Or even grounded me from the computer for a LONG time.) You can't get animals sick with a human disease. Plus, I stayed in school the whole day. That really pissed me.
Then I went over to PowerSchool (my school keeps all the grades in there) and I logged in under me. I saw I have a C in Writing. I'm like HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE??? Well, it seems that my teacher thought that I was there that day even though I wasn't and wrote me down for it missing. That made me flip out. I went and talked to my parents and they made sarcastic comments, making me break out in tears. Then they yelled at me for crying. They always yell at me for crying. I'm not sure why, but that makes me cry more and more.
Then there's this guy at school. We were best friends for 11 years. 11 YEARS, PEOPLE! But, then our moms got in a fight. Patty got pissed and now her and mom stay as far away as possible from each other. And guess what? Connor ignores me now. It started a year ago. I said 'hi' to him and he totally ignored me. Of course he's a year older and all, but he was my best friend. He always used to ask his mom if I could com over and then she would ask him if he had any male friends that he wanted over. >.> But, whatever. We were still best friends. I loved him, he loved me. In a brotherly sisterly way. But, yeah. I love him still like that and I just can't take this. It's literally tearing me apart. It bugs me so d*mn much that I can't take it anymore. One night I even called him. But, they guessed that it was my mom and didn't pick up. That almost killed me. I see him in school so much and have the urge to go talk to him, but he's always with his girlfriend, holding hands and that just makes me crazy. I used to be the only girl in his life that he would tell a secret to. And I miss it so, so much. I want to talk to him, I really do, but it's so hard when there are so many people roaming around the school halls. I never get the chance to talk to my old best friend. There are too many rumors started about me already. I don't want to get one started up about Connor and me going out. I just miss him and want to talk to him. Not make out with him. Is that so hard for you evil little people at Wammy to understand? Give me a break! There are already enough rumors about me. Yeah! That's right! I know about those! They tear at me all the time. Why do you think I act so strange? It's because I'm trying to IGNORE all your stupid little rumors. "Christi is in love with so and so" "Christi wants to marry Connor" "I bet Christi and Megan are bisexual" You know what people? I want to bash your faces in and I can. Oh yes. I can. I may get suspended and God may never forgive me, but that would make you shut up for maybe a day or two. THEN maybe for once in a while in my life I'd actually feel like I belonged. Maybe then I wouldn't feel ridiculed. Maybe then I wouldn't be so violent. Maybe I would actually be proud to be alive. Not to feel suicidal. Not to want to cut myself. But the guys at school force me into this suit of anger and fear. Violence and anger. And I just can't get over it. They do it to get under my skin. And guess what? It's working. It makes me tingle. It makes me so mad. It makes me want to blow my top. Explode on them. And one day, if it doesn't stop, I know I will. I know I'm going to explode. Explode all over them. See how they like it. See how they like to be bashed every minute of their lives. If not by anyone at school, but by their parents. By their siblings. Then try and make fun of me. Then maybe through the dark abyss of their empty heart, they can be kind. Maybe through my dark heart, I can forgive them. Through what they do, every day, it makes it harder for me to forgive them. Every waking minute of every day, I fade more and more to the dark side. I do not want to become dark and cruel like them, but I can't help it. When they are mean and cruel, I can't help but be right back. When I hear rumors about others, I usually shrug them off. Who really cares? As long as it doesn't consider my friends, I'm fine and dandy listening to their little rumors. I don't care any more about what they talk about behind my back. I really don't care. I just don't those stupid assholes talking about my friends. I get enough of that flack as it is off of my parents. Sick. And. Tired. So, there you have it. Here's my stupid little rant. I'm feeling a bit better, but I'm still as pissed as ever.
Anyways, thanks for reading through this LONG rant about a bunch of stupid things.
[P:-1150][P:-1150]
)! I'm constantly teased and picked on more than you are! I dated the most hated boy in 7th grade because he can't stop beating people up! During that relationship he actually hit me many times and I'm now ridiculed for it! Guys pretend to like me just so that they can mock me and make me feel even worse about myself than ever before! Christi... I don't have a life. My depression is so bad that I have to crawl under my bed for 12 hours --or more-- at a time so that I don't murder myself; my life is online, and that doesn't even count because, except for you, I have absolutely no idea as to who the hell I am talking to! 
